If Santa and Satan Had a Baby

We want to talk about something ultra holiday-cheerful: Krampus, Santa’s alter ego, the semi-satanic monster lurking in Central European folklore. This horned, cloven-hoofed demon shows up on December 5th, which is Krampus Night, to punish naughty children. He brings chains and birch branches for beatings, and allegedly drags bad kids to hell in a sack. You know, super cute, fun family holiday stuff!

Academics insist that Krampus isn’t real, but we’re not so sure. Sorta seems like he’s constantly possessing friends and family all through the holidays, transforming perfectly nice people into seasonal demons. That meltdown you had at the Downtown DC Holiday Market because the last felt gingerbread man got sold? Krampus. That lady who shoved you out of the way to grab the last bottle of cheap champagne at the gas station? Also Krampus. Your grumpy brother-in-law with the bone to pick? You guessed it! Krampus. 

Don’t Worry, There’s a Krampus Kryptonite (Weed)

It’s understandable. The stress, the spending, the performative joy, the family dynamics …it all compounds into a special kind of hell that would make Krampus himself proud. Lucky for us, Krampus possessions and regular old holiday grumpiness both have a cure: The Anti-Krampus Defense System. (It’s weed.)

It’s so crazy. You feed Krampus weed and he just turns into the nicest guy. Still ugly, but don’t judge a demon by its cover you know? For real though, if you need to keep your inner pseudo-satan at bay during the holidays, try one of our ultra-cost-effective concentrates. One dab and you’re more lit than the National Christmas Tree. Eases both the stress and the financial burdens of the season. 

Keep Krampus Blunted

If you’re wrangling your inner demons while gift wrapping, try a little Lemon Royale batter or Beach Cake Sugar for the pep or the patience you need to not throw scissors across the room. Heck, why not dab proactively to avoid the hellscape altogether? Stay one step ahead of Krampus with cannabis. Opt for cuter creatures that are less dark: get baked and go to Zoo Lights. 

Remember: the real monster isn’t Krampus. It’s you, not stoned, on December 23rd, still desperately shopping. Stop into a District Cannabis dispensary, stock up, smoke weed, stay human, and have a happy holiday.

WEED THE PEOPLE.