The Chchchchanuka Miracle

It’s almost Chanuka––the holiday that Jewish people celebrate around Christmas time. (The “ch” makes a guttural throat sound kind of like a post-dab cough.) It’s the Jewish Festival of Lights, a celebration of a miracle. 

Picture this: It’s 165 BCE, and the Maccabees (tiny army) have just won their Second Temple back from the Greeks (huge army). Sick. Victory is sweet, but there’s a problem. To re-dedicate their temple, they have to light their menorah for eight days and eight nights, but they only have enough oil for one day. Then a miracle happens––the oil burns for eight days and eight nights anyway. 

The Concentrate Miracle

Now picture this: It’s 2025 and your inlaws are in town for the week, and only have enough flower to stay high for one more day. Good thing you thought to buy some concentrate––enough to keep you unruffled and picking your political battles wisely for the whole holiday season. Sometimes, against all odds, things stretch further than they should. Your concentrate, your patience with relatives, your ability to stay upright after five glasses of eggnog (don’t ever drink five glasses of eggnog). 

Basically, we’re saying that concentrates are the Chanukah miracle of cannabis. Call it the festival of Lighting Up. A gram of sugar or batter can last exponentially longer than a gram of flower. That’s a divine stretch of supply. And you know what else is divine? Eating fried potato latkes while stoned.

The Chanukah Hymn

Chanuka is about celebrating light persisting against darkness. So light up like the National Menorah and dab some concentrate this Chanukah to celebrate the stretch of supply miracle. Or, as Adam Sandler’s classic religious hymn “The Chanukah Song” said, 

“Put on your yarmulke,
here comes Hannukah,
so much funnakuh… 

Smoke your marijuana-kah
If you really, really wanna-kah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah”

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