A Big Rip for This Year’s Government Give-Back

It’s that time of year again. The money that went straight from your paycheck into funding vital infrastructure projects like a $12 million pickleball complex magically reappears in your account. Thanks, IRS!

Is it a gift? Or just the incredibly slow repayment of an unconsensual loan? Kind of like that friend who “borrows” from your stash all year, only to return the favor with a single pre-roll. Either way, I think we can all agree that finally, the government is giving us something back. And besides the occasional on-time Metro, when does that ever happen?

The obvious response to this overnight cash drop is to blow it all in one go. If you’re like us, that means a 2 a.m. waffle maker purchase. Plus a preroll to match the flavor profile of an extremely stoned attempt at berry-blasted waffles. And just like that, it’s the government’s turn to say thanks. Voilà! 12% of the tax refund you spent went straight from the dispensary back into their pockets.

Oh yes, Maryland’s notorious 33% cannabis tax hike. The gut punch of 2025.

A blow slightly softened by what appears to be a growth year for refunds. If we squint our eyes and tilt our heads, it looks like all those extra taxes we paid on weed have been direct-deposited right back into our accounts. For the explicit purpose of going to buy more weed. But this time it somehow feels free.

While we’re at it, we have strong evidence pointing towards the fact that the “feeling free” should be a little bit closer to the “being free.” It’s time that the IRS meets us in the middle with a cannabis tax write-off.

The Weed Write-Off

In a country where breast implants and food for feral cats have gone on record as tax-deductible expenses, how, in 2026, are we still not writing off weed?

Consider the home office. Here we are, deducting everything from WiFi, rent, and meals to essential supplies. Yet for many creatives (and beyond), the most essential of all supplies is only getting tax-hiked. Seems criminal? We agree.

Coffee has been an approved line item for years. Even alcohol gets its turn as a write-off. Weed, known for its aid in everything from productivity and creativity (office supplies and expenses) to making client dinners bearable (business entertainment expenses), remains the IRS’s most glaring oversight.

So while we continue to exercise our yearly allowance on clarinet lessons to correct overbites, why don’t we add to the IRS deductions list — the morning dab to kick off the board meeting, and the afternoon edible filed neatly with lunch.

Until the IRS amends its outdated write-off policies, there are still other ways to get your 12% dispensary taxes closer to zero. Glassware? More like fine art. “Acquired”, held, and destined for a legacy of museum-grade combustion studies.

That $400,000 rig everyone said you were crazy for buying? Jokes on them. Your custom glass art does more than just appreciate in value (and in resin). When you’re ready to swap it out for the next rig, donate it to a nonprofit where it’s “used in a manner related to the organization’s exempt purpose” and suddenly your deduction hits fatter than a year of fire dabs.

We can think of a few non-profits with very well-aligned purposes…

The simple math? Buy a rig, get a rig for free. Stoners have always been the true masters when it comes to taxes.

From Tax Refund to Top Shelf

While deduction schemes are in motion, it’s important to remember the classic adage that “Rome wasn’t built in a dry spell”: nothing gets accomplished on an empty stash.

Maybe you’re looking to blow the hundreds of thousands you just made on that donated rig. Or perhaps that “free” refund money is burning a hole in your pocket faster than a joint rolled with gas station papers.

Either way, there’s no wiser move than walking straight into the dispensary, pointing at the top shelf, and saying yes to all of it. Some live resin to christen your newest piece of custom glass art? Seems only wise.

Plus, getting high is a great way to pass the time while your remaining tax dollars slowly make their way toward the Dupont Circle escalator — we’ve been told it’s in the budget.

WEED THE PEOPLE