Ever wanted to look so handsome that you repeatedly hit your face with a hammer?

Or maybe social media has you realizing that the only thing better than eating the suggested amount of daily fiber is to surpass medical recommendations. Also known as fibermaxxxing. Sure, frequent pants-shitting is a common side effect, but that’s what washing machines are for, right?!

You can sleepmaxxx (obsessively tracking sleep cycles), productivitymaxxx (stack tasks and eliminate all downtime), and moneymaxxx (aggressively budget). Those and many more, like the above-mentioned ‘looksmaxxxing’ and its subgenre of ‘bone smashing’.

If you’re dedicated enough you can ‘max’ anything, really. Take a healthy habit, like trying to be more productive, push it to the extreme, and suddenly your whole body’s tied in knots. A situation only ‘massagemaxxxing’ can fix. On second thought, massagemaxxxing doesn’t sound half bad…

But obsession is obsession and it rarely ends well (certainly not for Calvicular, the influencer behind looksmaxxxing).

That said, there is one kind of ‘maxing’ that we are very keen on: Maximum Wellness’ newest gummy drop.

(We Refuse to Say) Gummy Maxxxing

So Maximum Wellness. They’re a Maryland-based, family-owned cannabis company with a line of gummies we are (uh oh here we go) kind of obsessed with. But, like, in the good normal way. 

Let us present: a new way to Max.

Chill to the Max

Yes, you better believe that chillmaxxxing is, indeed, a thing. That being basically just like it sounds: lying around doing nothing and calling it “healthy boundaries”.  Our version? Maximum yum, maximum wind down: the Mango Indica Gummies. Rather than ending the work week with a multi-day gaming binge, tap into your inner chill without the couch-lock.

With Maximum Wellness, you can relax to the max while also taking a low key run, cooking a relaxing meal, and sitting up for the duration of a full-length film.

Zzz’s to the Max

We can’t think of anything less restful than “extreme sleep optimization” aka sleepmaxxxing. Kudos to those who can hyper-monitor their sleep without it backfiring and causing horrible insomnia. So call us old school, but we’ll stick to the tried-and-true stuff of the ‘70s: a hot glass of milk and a little something green.

Please welcome the Grape Indica Gummies, no blackout curtains or weighted blankets necessary. Just a deep, refreshing dabble in dreamland without waking up feeling like a zombie.

Yeah, we’ll opt for this route.

Energy to the Max

Energymaxxxing, aka the superhighway to burnout, is another of our least favorites when it comes to the maxxxing trend. Absolutely no eating after 4 PM? Yeah, we’ll take a hard pass.

So back to the whole ‘tried and true’ thing, if it’s good enough for professional athletes, it’s good enough for us!

And boy do we love a good sativa. So you can imagine our delight at the Pink Lemonade Sativa Gummies. Breakfast, gummy, and we’re hitting the ground running. Who knows, with a little extra amp and acuity, we might be bringing in the next gold (highly unlikely, but a dreamer can dream).

The One-X Lifestyle

Because three is just exxxcessive.

So please, we’re begging you, stop hitting your jaw with a hammer, we promise that’s not what “chiseled” means.

And while you’re at it, stop pounding chia seeds, self-prescribed supplements, and beans (yes, even this is a thing). We dare you to try out the novel concept of balance in lieu of obsession. And as we always say, what’s more balanced than a hybrid? Lucky for us, Maximum Wellness has that covered too; balance to the max with some hybrid chocolates.

Join us for the new era: Maximum Wellness, minimum maxxxing.

WEED THE PEOPLE