Roll a joint, skip the small talk

The dating app fatigue is real. Roosters? Ghosting? “ENM” at every other swipe?

And when you finally clear the graveyard of dead matches and fizzled conversations, what awaits you? Another uninspired date at a bar.

It’s abysmal. But it doesn’t have to be. Magazines like The Cut have taken this national crisis into their own hands, reinstating their Personals section via a weekly newsletter. Find: “Father to Ageing Cat” or “Mommy’s Little Meatball.” In this brave new digital age, twenty and thirty-something-year-olds are turning back time and posting handwritten dating ads in the personals section.

As for us at District Cannabis? While we might not be curating the personal ads, we’re working on our very own love potion. It’s the antidote to small talk, can be tweaked to the exact mood, and won’t have you regretting that two-hour monologue about your ex.

A Compatibility Test Better Than Their Birthchart 

Forget “liquid courage”: it’s 2026 and weed is the new wingman. Sure, alcohol has been the classic coping mechanism for the last 13,000 years. But tried and true? Certainly not. Falling off barstools, then treating your date like a confessional? It’s time for an alternative.

Want to get a sense of your potential suitor’s personality? Seeking your soulmate in a sea of mids and unpromising matches? Their weed, their roll, their munchie order; that’s your 2026 crystal ball.

Shwag or top shelf? Do they know their terps? And what’s their chosen high: in-da-couch or ‘let me break out the vintage Nat Geos for a collage night’ first date?

And don’t forget their smoking style. Are they passing a falling-apart joint, or do they roll clean? If it’s the former, perhaps note that mildewed-towel smell in the bathroom. And the dirty socks littering the floor. Run.

Did they bring their own piece? What does their glassware say about their aesthetic? Perhaps that totally tripped-out alien bong isn’t quite the key to your thirty-year-old heart. The Edie Parker red vape, on the other hand, might be telling a different story. Books arranged by color, shoes tidily lined up by the door. That’s a keeper.

More telling than anything else on the stoner’s checklist is their munchies selection. Are we looking at a charcuterie-plate type, or do they lean instant mac n’ cheese? We’re not judging. But the date who shows up with a half-smoked joint and one slice of pizza? Again, this is a big RUN.

And hey, why not take matters into your own hands? For all the singles out there looking to flex with a fire first date, we’ve got your back. And so does Beach Cake. Keeps you chilled out and perked up, and has the added benefit of impressing anyone (who you’d want to keep around).

While the old go-to might have been yelling across barstools at your local dive bar, it’s 2026, why not try a day date? Our favorite: a nice baked picnic at the National Arboretum.

Matching Your Date with Your Strain

So we’re back to the whole ENM thing (OK, if you haven’t heard the term yet, we’re completely shocked, but for those of you living under a rock, ENM means ‘ethical non-monogamy’). And anyone using a dating app has certainly seen their fair share of these. Yes, dating is historically for singles. But all of a sudden, ‘unicorn’, ‘primary partner’, and ‘polycule’ are popping up every other swipe. Dare we say: dating isn’t what it used to be.

It’s even more complicated. So you’re welcome; we’re here to simplify things.

ENM Dating: Your partner vetted your matches, workshopped your opener, and sat bedside while you picked the perfect outfit. The proverbial hand is being held, and the nerves, like the stakes, are low. It’s unlikely you’re out seeking your soulmate. Just a really fun time. Match that vibe with something as easy, breezy, and fun-loving as the date itself: Grapefruit Gelato.

While you’re at it, nothing wrong with a little pre-date nerve-calming with the spouse at home. We suggest a puff of Gelato Cake, a kiss goodbye, and you’re out the door.

Throuples: Room for one more? Absolutely. And to match this new way of coupling, opt for a date as modern as your relationship status. Rather than balancing the energy of two, suddenly it’s three. This can be tricky. Also extremely fun and rewarding. For the first hang with your potential third, we recommend something relaxing and mellow, keeping the vibes giggly and cozy. Throuples, meet Pavé.

Dating Made Fun

With weed, suddenly anything is fun. Even doing the dishes while your partner is out on a date. We swear we’re not biased.

And who knows, the right strain may lead you straight into the arms of your soulmate. What’s that classic saying? The way to a stoner’s heart is through their lungs? Something like that.

Whether it’s a joint straight to the heart or just a fun first date, get out there and get rolling.

WEED THE PEOPLE